I cant seem to get into the Christmas spirit this year. I have been able to manage my episodes fairly well over the last couple of months, at least I am assuming, however BPD is a illness that comes in cycles and maybe I'm just now getting back into the depressive cycle! I don't know... Anyways since early last week I have been having MAJOR episodes!!! I hate this at any time but it is now Christmas time and I want more than anything to enjoy my time with my family and close friends. I have shut myself off from pretty much everyone this week wanting to be alone more than anything, but at the same time where I really want to be is around the people I care about! I am broke like a lot of people right now so I will not be giving any gifts and most likely will not be receiving many. I do not care, as we all know, well should know, The true meaning of Christmas is not gifts, it is about something much larger! I will not lie, I want many things for Christmas this year, more than any other year in my life but the things I want can not be bought at any store!
This is suppose to be a happy time of year and thats what I want it to be, so when I look back and see my struggles from the past I try to stay positive as possible. This attitude reminds me of a Counting Crows song: "A Long December" which is good at anytime of the year but seems to mean more around this time of year! Every year for the last 4 or 5 years I have played the hell out of this song on the way to work or hunting or wherever I am going to remind me that the new year is right around the corner and JUST MAYBE it will be a new start or at least better than the last!
Everyone have a good Christmas and a Happy New Year! Spend time with your families, reach out to strangers, and never forget the TRUE meaning of Christmas!
God Bless!
